By Mike Aux-Tinee.
I have no idea what it really means to be cool. It wouldn’t be too difficult to come up with a list of un-cool things. And being logical about it, if I’d just avoid doing those un-cool things, I’d be instantly cool. Right?
I’ve been told, time and time again, that I am cool. I’d always experience a surge, a warm fuzzie that made me feel better. To ensure I kept my ‘cool status’ I worked very hard to keep things status quo. Because whatever I was doing, I needed to keep doing it times ten! My motto: Do not change one thing about yourself at all costs.
It was those last three words, ‘at all costs’ that really caused my life to spiral out of control. Looking back, all I was doing was living my life just so I could continue receiving the approval from others and never, ever living a life that I approved of.
From the moment I woke up until I went to bed, I was obsessed with maintaining my image. I drove sports cars. I spent a lot of money, money I did not have keeping the latest fashion trends in my closet and on me. When the weekends rolled around, I worked very hard to be the glue of the group. I would start asking my friends what they were doing starting on Tuesday or Wednesday! I wanted to make sure we had something fun to do and of course, the more the merrier.
There were two camps, I was either too serious or not serious enough. So, to cover all the bases, I would mold myself to their expectations. Never realizing I was like a puppet and someone else was pulling the strings. I did not want to be left out or heaven forbids, for someone to not like me. Throughout this time, I kept who I really was out of sight, just in case someone didn’t approve. I needed that affirmation, the continual warm fuzzie feeling.
I lost so much time and money trying to live up to other people’s expectations. It never occurred to me that it’s impossible to please everyone. If I had thought about that, maybe I would have quit right then and there. The byproduct of all of this was that I was not happy. In fact, I was rather down right depressed and I felt as if I did not have control over my life.
I want to be the person I’ve always been; to just be Mike, nothing more, nothing less and just let the chips fall where they may.
I am going to do things that make me happy. Like spending the rest of my life exploring the world, learning something new and have amazing experiences.
My goal is for my passport to have so many stamps that there is no more space for more and I have to get a new one before the ten-year expiration date comes around.
I am going to live to the beat of my own drummer. If someone does not accept me for the way I am, well there are so many people in the world, I am sure I can and will make more friends.
Now that does sound cool!